Hello Riyan,
The concept of your story is interesting. Encountering a spaceship during Becky’s morning ride is definitely unexpected. There are many different options for developing the plot based on your story elements. The contrast between a slower paced western style horseback ride and the high tech science fiction aspect of a spaceship is intriguing to think about.
I was curious about the part of the story when Becky stopped and looked at the sky to talk to her father. It seemed as if that was the purpose of her ride and that the experience had to happen in a certain location. I wish I knew more about that part of your writing.
My suggestion to make your writing better is to take a closer look at your sentence construction. Each sentence should be a complete thought and not many thoughts all linked together. Your opening sentence has a lot of information and ideas all hooked together with commas. Some of the items in that first sentence could be trimmed as you reconstruct it. Trimming and rebuilding your sentences will also get you back to the 100 word guidelines of the challenge.
Becky’s reaction to the spaceship was unusual. I wonder why she was furious?
Thank you for sharing your thoughts,
Gina Felton (Team 100, Iowa USA)
Hello Riyan,
The concept of your story is interesting. Encountering a spaceship during Becky’s morning ride is definitely unexpected. There are many different options for developing the plot based on your story elements. The contrast between a slower paced western style horseback ride and the high tech science fiction aspect of a spaceship is intriguing to think about.
I was curious about the part of the story when Becky stopped and looked at the sky to talk to her father. It seemed as if that was the purpose of her ride and that the experience had to happen in a certain location. I wish I knew more about that part of your writing.
My suggestion to make your writing better is to take a closer look at your sentence construction. Each sentence should be a complete thought and not many thoughts all linked together. Your opening sentence has a lot of information and ideas all hooked together with commas. Some of the items in that first sentence could be trimmed as you reconstruct it. Trimming and rebuilding your sentences will also get you back to the 100 word guidelines of the challenge.
Becky’s reaction to the spaceship was unusual. I wonder why she was furious?
Thank you for sharing your thoughts,
Gina Felton (Team 100, Iowa USA)